Reciprocity in Negotiations: Give a Little, Take a Little... And then Take a Little More

Posted By Kara DiBiasio, Nov 26, 2012

As lawyers, we want to get the best outcome for our client. In court, this often means taking a strong, assertive stand for our client’s position. But in a negotiation context, getting the best for the client usually requires a great deal of cooperation with the other party.

Robert B. Cialdini, Ph.D., explores the power of reciprocity in his famous book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. Cialdini employs real life examples and research studies to illustrate how giving a little to someone else can often be one of the most successful strategies to get more of what you want. Through these examples, Cialdini shows that these skills are useful not only when negotiating on behalf of our clients, but in almost any persuasion scenario.

Most of us have probably encountered the effects of the reciprocity rule in our own lives, whether we realize it or not. The first step in reciprocity is the giving—offering something to the other party. In law school, we see the reciprocity rule in action all the time. Bar review courses constantly table on law school campuses, offering free study aids, food, or other “free gifts.” Those gifts build a law student’s confidence in the quality of the company’s review materials; however, the gifts can also create a feeling of indebtedness for the law student who accepts the materials. The effect of this first step, the “gift,” usually results in the other person feeling indebted to you for the favor you have offered them. 

In fact, the indebtedness we feel when someone does a “favor” for us is very far-reaching. As Cialdini points out, most people still feel a sense of indebtedness even when they did not want the favor in the first place. As another example, think about getting a free sample at the grocery store: a smiling attendant with a platter of small pieces of cheese on toothpicks. Most people who take a sample will be more likely to buy the cheese, not only because they got a chance to sample it, but because it is often difficult to put the empty toothpick in the trashcan, tell the helpful attendant that you enjoyed the sample, and walk away. That feeling that you owe her a little more than a toothpick in the trashcan is what Cialdini refers to as the reciprocity rule: we feel a sense of obligation to give something back, even if we did not particularly love the favor we got in the first place.

The next step is getting something favorable to you. This step involves knowing how to call in a favor in return. As Cialdini points out, people are often so eager to relieve the feeling of indebtedness that they are willing to return a favor, even if it outweighs the minor favor they did for you. An example from one of Cialdini’s studies illustrates the principle perfectly. One of Cialdini’s assistants asked two groups of test subjects to purchase raffle tickets for a fundraiser. The assistant brought soda for one group of subjects, but not the other group. Those who received a soda were much more likely to buy raffle tickets than those who did not receive a soda, even though each raffle ticket cost more than twice the price of one soda. 

These examples illustrate the true power of reciprocity. Executed well, you can get more by (1) offering a favor that creates a feeling of obligation for the other party and (2) requesting a favor in return. Of course, the goal is not to extort the other party. In fact, research suggests that the best effects are achieved when the favor and the request appear to be separate from each other. That way, the other party can feel good about doing a favor for you, while relieving himself of the burden of feeling indebted to you.

Another effective strategy in persuasion is the reciprocal concession. Cialdini introduces the reject-and-retreat technique, in which you offer one thing and when it is turned down, you offer something smaller as a concession. This strategy allows you to make your second offer appear more reasonable compared to the first offer. Additionally, the change in your offer makes it seem like you are making a reasonable concession, which should be repaid in kind. However, the wise negotiator will approach this method with caution; an unreasonably high first offer will lose credibility and the other party will probably be unwilling to negotiate any further. Used properly, reciprocal concessions allow you to make a favorable deal, while also appearing reasonable, flexible, and cooperative.

Interestingly, Cialdini shows us that by giving a little before asking for what we really want, we can actually get more for our client, and potentially make everyone happier in the process. 

For more insight on the power of reciprocity, see Robert B. Cialdini, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion 60-113 (HarperBusiness rev. ed. 2006).